I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that I was visiting some new friends. It started off as a nice visit, we were laughing and talking. They lived in a very big house. For some reason, I opened a door and entered a room. I was appalled at what I saw. There were 2 naked little girls tied up, on the floor and a man who had been molesting them. I began to yell and scream at the child molester. Then I woke up.
All through this morning, I kept getting flashes of the memories of this dream. I would do my work and see those poor little girls in my mind. After 3 hours of that I began to feel overwhelmed. My eyes started to tear up. Nobody knew, thank God. I hate to cry at work.
I was relieved when my boss said that he wanted to save hours, so I could go home, if I wanted. We're having a blizzard today, so there were only occasional customers in our supermarket. So, I chose to go home. It's a good day to be at home. I can think, in peace, I feel safest at home.
This nightmare was a sign that after over 40 years, since my father abused me, I am still not healed. I wonder: will I always have PTSD?
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ReplyDeleteHey.. Just wanted to say, it doesn't have to mean you're not healed. What sticks out to me about the nightmare is that you fought back against the man who was doing the abuse. That takes a ton of courage. Maybe your mind is showing you how far you've come.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the encouragement, I hadn't looked at it that way, I just thought that I was forever cursed with nightmares. Now I realize, that what you said is the truth.
DeleteI agree with Anonymous, rather than a sign of your not being healed, your dream shows how far you have come. First you have new friends, obviously a lot (they live in a large house) and they need your voice. The voice of someone who is no longer tied up but who is free to fight for them. Perhaps, the fact that this dream seamed frightening isn't because of your past but your future. Chris, stepping out, being the voice that protects and speaks for the oppressed requires a boldness and strength that maybe you think you don't have. But I want to encourage you. First you demonstrated strength in surviving, secondly by sharing and I believe that God will equip you for what is still ahead. He will give you the strength and courage to fight for those who cannot - be blessed
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